


All I Want For Christmas

by WGDWriter



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, sorry for the tears that will come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21983239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WGDWriter/pseuds/WGDWriter
Summary: It's an old Christmas story that I posted and I never made a proper summary of it because I was lazy and now I can't properly summarize it. It's a human AU though so enjoy!
Relationships: Germany/North Italy (Hetalia)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	All I Want For Christmas

It was the night before Christmas in a land distraught with war. Neither side seemed to be winning, every fighting solider feeling sour and sore. There were a few soldiers that still hung up a few Christmas related objects up, trying to instill some Christmas cheer; yet there was one solider, a German, who put up a few Christmas objects with a heavy heart. The German was a blonde with his hair slicked back and even though his eyes showed seriousness, there was a hint of sadness in the blue of his eyes. He was only putting them up to make one person happy, the one person who seemed to matter most.

"Ludwig, there you are!" the German heard a voice from behind him, "I've been looking all over for ya."

Upon turning around, the blonde saw a man with snow white hair and crimson eyes. He was considered an albino to everyone on base…a rather annoying albino. But the man worked with their messenger birds, training them to fly various routes to send messages to their allies and to drop fake messages behind enemy lines, so everyone dealt with him. The albino was also trying to training the birds to attack enemy soldiers, but so far that wasn't working out.

"You weren't at the shooting range or even in the gym, so I started asking around." The man continued as he approached Ludwig and blue eyes were able to see a small bird in the man's hair, a signature sign that associated the albino with their birds, "Nobody even saw you! Therefore, the awesome me decided to look for you. Why aren't you-" The man stopped mid-sentence when he saw the blonde with a picture of Santa in his hand. The albino only raised an eyebrow, causing the German to avert his eyes and just hang up the picture. The man looked around the room and saw other Christmas pictures up on the walls as well. "Huh, very Christmasy of you, West." the man commented, using the German's nickname he gave him a while back, "I thought you said you were never going to do this."

"It's only temporary Gilbert." Ludwig said lightly as he felt his cheeks heat up, "I'm going to be in a video chat, so-"

"With Feli?" Gilbert asked, his eyes holding a mischievous glint to them.

"With Feliciano _and_ Kiku." the German corrected the other as he went and hung up another Christmas picture.

He felt the need to emphasis the word 'and', especially when it came to mentioning his Italian friend with someone else. When Feliciano used to be on base and on his regiment, everyone knew that Ludwig could be a bit protective of the Italian. They were close and if anyone messed with Feliciano, they were also messing with him. Kiku, a Japanese man that was also in the German's regiment, also became a close friend. But even everyone knew that Kiku wasn't as close to the strict blonde as Feliciano was.

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Okay, but that still doesn't change the fact that you're talking to Feli. Kiku just might leave a bit early and who know what will-" Ludwig whirled around and the albino was faced with the most intimidating look he had ever seen. He was used to these glares the German would throw at him, but he even knew when to stop. "So how are they?" Gilbert changed the subject, though he put on a knowing smirk.

"They are doing well." Ludwig responded, ignoring the smirk, "Kiku is fully recovered and Feliciano is beginning to walk with help from Kiku."

"That's great, West!" Gilbert beamed and smiled a goofy smile, "It looks like-" The albino stopped when he realized the German wasn't smiling. Considering that Ludwig was close to the two of them, he should be relieved that they were recovering. "Why are you being unawesome and frowning? Aren't you happy that they are doing better?"

"I am."

"Then what's with all the frowning? Is something wrong or are you just in a grouchy mood despite all the happy decorating you're doing?"

Ludwig was quiet as he stared at a Christmas picture in his hand, though his eyes seemed a bit unfocused. "Even if they are recovering," he stated plainly, "I'm still the one to blame."

Gilbert groaned and dropped his head in an exaggerated manner, "Not this again!" he whined, "West, what have I told you time and time again? What happened-"

"You don't understand, do you?" Ludwig's voice was low and strangely calm, despite his tone. His eyes flickered up from the picture and the German's eyes flashed dangerously as he towered over Gilbert who seemed to shrink down just a bit. Ludwig's voice began to rise as he continued, "It wasn't you who led your entire regiment into a trap. It wasn't you who basically ignored the signs the enemy left in plain sight. And it wasn't you who watched your whole regiment walk into a land mine and had to see two of your best friends nearly die!" Ludwig's hands became fists and he was practically shouting. "And you know what Gilbert? I would love to see how this wasn't my fault! It was my job to make sure that didn't happen, yet I let it happen! Tell me how it wasn't my fault!"

The room was quiet and in the distance, both men were able to hear Ludwig's voice bouncing around in the hall. It was rare for the German to lose his cool, and the fact that Ludwig was hearing his own voice bounce around the hall for others to hear wasn't good. Ludwig took several deep breaths in order to calm himself down and unclenched his hands. He heard something fall on the ground and Ludwig looked down to see that the Christmas picture he had been holding was crinkled badly. A new wave of sadness hit the German as he knelt down to pick up the picture and did he best to work out the creases.

"Damnit." Ludwig muttered as he tried to be gentle as to not rip the picture but firm enough to get rid of the creases, "This was his favorite…"

Gilbert watched as Ludwig failed to get the creases out. He sighed and put a hand on the German's shoulder and took the picture away. Ludwig didn't seem to object, even as Gilbert led the German to his bed, sitting him down. The albino sat down beside Ludwig and sighed deeply, patting the other man's back.

"Ludwig," Gilbert started and his voice was serious enough to make sad blue eyes glance at him, "I will tell you this once more, and let this sink into that thick statistical head of yours." Ludwig raised an eyebrow and the albino expected the German to at least snap at him. When he stayed quiet, Gilbert continued, "You may have failed, but you aren't to blame."

"Gil-"

"Ah!" the albino lifted up a hand and silenced Ludwig, "Don't interrupt." Ludwig rolled his eyes and sighed. "You aren't the only one on who had that job right?" Ludwig nodded, "Then there are others at fault as well. If I remember correctly, you took over someone's night watch when they got ill right?" Ludwig only nodded, figuring that if he talked he would only get interrupted. "So you basically didn't sleep for more than a few hours, correct?" Again Ludwig nodded. "You were overworked by the time your regiment set off the land mine. We all know you're good at working under pressure, but you reached your limit then and the others were slacking off because they thought you would cover for them."

"But Gilbert-"

"Ah, ah, ah!" the albino quickly interrupted, "Not done." Ludwig sighed with irritation and waved a hand for Gilbert to continue. "Now, do you remember what happened after the land mine went off?" Ludwig nodded, his eyes falling to look at the floor. "Tell me, did you not fight your hardest to push back the enemy?" Ludwig nodded. "And did you not save some people from your regiment as a retreat was ordered?" Ludwig nodded and put his face in his hands. "And when you finally retreated, you stayed back to help Kiku and Feliciano correct?" Ludwig nodded again, a soft sigh escaping though it was muffled by his hands. "Also, did you not rest until they were both safe? You didn't sleep, you treated their wounds and changed their bandages, and you even gave most of the rations you had to them!"

"Yes!" Ludwig exclaimed, "Yes and a thousand times yes! What's your point?"

"During that whole time that you were over exerting yourself, did anyone ever point a finger at you?" Gilbert asked simply, "Did anyone ever go and say, 'Ludwig, you should have went and kept a better watch' or 'Ludwig! You should have seen the signs that the enemy was around!'? Did someone ever say those things and blame you for having that happen?"

Ludwig was quiet as he silently shook his head. Gilbert was right that nobody blamed him. He had been tired from covering for a fellow soldier who had suddenly grown ill after making sure his own tasks were complete. He had also tried his best in keeping the enemy back while his allies and his regiment found soldiers who survived the blast and as they retreated. He had realized Kiku was trying to save Feliciano and went back to help them, only for them to get separated from the rest of their troop, causing Ludwig to continue to overwork himself by treating his friend's wounds and making sure they were safe. He only slept for a few hours and it wasn't until they ran into one of their own patrols did Ludwig finally get a chance to sleep. But even then, the German didn't sleep until he knew both Kiku and Feliciano were okay. Ludwig vaguely remembered that some of the people who also had the same job as him were scolded, so someone was blamed. But he couldn't help but blame himself, especially when he promised Feliciano that he wouldn't let anything happen to him.

"Jeez…you're still frowning." Gilbert frowned with a sigh, "You're too dedicated to this. I hope you get discharged soon so you don't have to deal with this shit anymore."

Ludwig chuckled a bit pitifully, "If I can serve my country, then I will until my body gives out."

"You're crazy." Gilbert said in all seriousness but there was a smirk on his lips, "I'd hate to see what happens when you adopt a little girl with Feli once you two get together."

The albino quickly jumped away from Ludwig who went and lunged for him. The German's cheeks were a bright red and his eyes held anger in them as he moved to catch the man. Gilbert was laughing hard at Ludwig, dodging the burly man's attacks with some difficulty, but successfully. He loved messing with the German because he knew how he felt about the Italian…even if Ludwig didn't know it himself.

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat more about your future love life with Feli," Gilbert said rather loudly, a bit too loud for Ludwig's liking, "but I have birds to train." The German lunged at the albino again and nearly caught him when Gilbert dashed out the door. "Have fun chatting with Feli!" he called and Ludwig's only response was to slam the door shut, hiding his reddening cheeks from the rest of the base.

* * *

The clock in the room ticked loudly in his ear as he lay in bed, trying to get some sleep. Ludwig had tried every method, from jogging in place to basically trying to relax, but it was useless. The blonde opened up his eyes and glanced at the clock on the wall, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. _2300_ , Ludwig thought to himself. _It's almost Christmas then. I wonder if Feli is up, pretending to look out for Santa._ The German sighed and threw an arm over his eyes. _This is Feliciano we're talking about!_ He scolded himself in his head. _He would think Santa was real. He's childish about these sorts of things… but it makes it that much easier to get into the spirit of Christmas._ Ludwig frowned and sighed, sitting up in bed as he rested his head in hand.

"What am I thinking?" he asked himself, "Is this happening because the video chat wasn't working?"

There were a few computers on base that could be used for video chat when contacting friends or family. He had reserved one for a specific time and when he was trying to get the video chat to work, the Internet connection died and he had to call Tech Support. A man by the name of Yao Wang came to assist him and it took almost an hour to figure out why there was no Internet connection. One of the soldiers was testing out a new gun they had developed and managed to hit a power cord which made half of the base lose power and the backup generator didn't support the servers. Ludwig was therefore unable to chat with either Feliciano or Kiku.

"I wonder how their doing." the German thought out loud with a sigh, "Kiku is recovered, but he did say something about his arm becoming stiff from time to time. And Feliciano… can he walk now or does he still need help?" Ludwig sighed again and settled back down in bed. "I'll have to write them a letter later." he continued to himself, "We can easily set up another video chat session then, but letters take a while to be sent out and to be received as well."

Ludwig sighed and closed his eyes, trying to get his body to relax under the sheets. _What should I do?_ Ludwig thought, trying to think up of the best way to contact his friends. As he thought, the sound of footsteps came to the German's ears. All thoughts immediately ceased as Ludwig listened to the sound, his mind spinning with information. The footsteps belonged to someone who was heavy set and the person's foot wear was heavy as well. Nobody on base was heavy. You couldn't be overweight with all the rigorous training that was done and as of late, everyone was taking in fewer calories due to rationing. The person sounded like they were trying to be quiet, sneaking about as to not wake everyone up.

Ludwig's heart began to race then. There was an intruder on their base. The enemy must have bypassed their security and was probably trying to take information that could aid them in the war. _Smart bastards._ Ludwig thought as he moved to get out of bed. _They're going to take us by surprise as we sleep._ Just as Ludwig was going to slip out of bed, the footsteps stopped outside his door. The German's heart beat a bit faster when he saw the door handle moving. _So, they're taking soldiers out as well? Two can play at that game.  
_  
Ludwig quickly and silently settled back down in bed. He closed his eyes and controlled his breathing so it was even and quiet as he silently reached under the pillow to grip his pistol. The German was lucky that he always kept a spare gun under his pillow in case of emergencies. A small draft came through Ludwig's room as the door silently opened up, allowing the intruder to enter. The heavy footsteps seemed louder than they did before as the intruder moved across the room, coming closer and closer to the awake German. Ludwig's hand tensed around his gun and he had to force the rest of his body to relax so he could have the element of surprise. It seemed almost like an eternity, waiting for the intruder to come close enough. Ludwig had killed many men before this one, but the fact that it was on his own base was a bit nerve wracking. Just as the intruder came close enough, the German was quick to pull out his gun. But as his gun locked onto his enemy and Ludwig's eyes focused, the German couldn't help but blink in surprise.

The man before him didn't look like any enemy Ludwig had ever seen. In fact, he didn't even look like the enemy. The man looked too much like a known fictional character for him to be even real. Yet, upon examining the red hat, red jacket, rosy cheeks, and big white beard; it was hard to not ask if the man before him was indeed Santa Claus. The German had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from even asking and for a moment, Ludwig wondered if he was having a mental break down. It happened to him before when he over worked himself. He had imagined that Feliciano's grandfather, a famous Italian General by the name of Romulus Vargas, had visited him in the middle of the night to see his grandson. Feliciano had bragged about his grandfather that very same day and Ludwig had commented on how Feliciano didn't take after his grandfather except for probably his looks.

"Who the hell are you?" Ludwig growled at the man who looked like Santa, keeping his gun aimed at him. He wasn't going to let his guard down just in case this was an armed man, just dressed up to confuse him. "If you answer in an illogical way, I won't hesitate to shoot."

The man who looked like Santa seemed a bit surprised that a gun was being pointed at him, but he still smiled and didn't look the least bit worried. "Now, now Ludwig," the man laughed, "You know too well who I am. Now put the gun down and-"

"How do you know my name?" Ludwig asked, his eyes flashed with suspicion.

"I'm Santa," the man smiled, "I know everyone's name you see."

"I swear if you don't start making sense, I will put a bullet through that skull of yours." The German threatened, "There is no such thing as Santa."

The man who called himself Santa sighed and his eyes crinkled a bit as he examined the German before him. "Ludwig, don't you remember when you were younger you wanted a model airplane but you instead got mini submarines? I remember that the airplane was rather rare and when you didn't get it, you stopped believing in me."

Ludwig's eyes narrowed and his grip on his gun tightened. "How do you know about that?"

The man laughed and shook his head. "I already told you. I'm Santa. I remember every gift given to every little boy and girl." The man chuckled a bit and looked into Ludwig's eyes. "Now, Ludwig. I know you aren't a believer without cold, hard proof. Even if you don't believe me now, I just want to know one thing. What do you want for Christmas?"

Ludwig seemed taken aback from the question and his mind actually started to think of answers. The German's eyes examined the big man before him, looking him up and down a moment before putting his gun down. The man didn't seem to be a threat, but Ludwig kept the gun in his hand. "Nothing." he answered simply, still keeping his guard up, "I don't want anything."

The man raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that? There has to be at least something you want."

Ludwig was going to object when a simple image popped in his head. Ludwig blinked and a sad frown came to his lips. The German was quiet a moment before he simply said, "I want Feliciano and Kiku to be happy." This brought surprise to the supposed Santa in front of him, but Ludwig didn't notice. "If you can just give them something to make them happy, then you would have given them something that I couldn't."

"Are you sure you can't give them the happiness they seek?"

Ludwig looked at the man, his sad yet serious expression unchanging. "I failed them by not being able to protect them from the battle that sent them home. I can never bring them happiness after what has happened."

The man before Ludwig put on a thoughtful look before just stating simply. "We shall see."

Ludwig was about to ask what the man meant when a knock came from Ludwig's door. The German jumped from surprise, his eyes jumping to the door. When Ludwig's gaze went back to the man in front of him, he blinked in confusion. There was no one in the room other than himself. Ludwig looked around the room wildly and the knocking came again from the door, sounding a bit impatient.

"Just a moment." Ludwig called as he glanced about the room again, but he couldn't see the man who called himself Santa anywhere.

With a quiet sigh, Ludwig massaged his temples and answered the door. Before him was a messenger by the name of Tino Väinämöinen. The man was smaller than Ludwig and had blonde hair that complimented his brown eyes. Tino would have been in uniform, but he was actually wearing a Santa outfit. He had been wearing it the whole week, getting away with it as he did every year since he passed out everyone's 'Christmas gifts'. Tino looked up at Ludwig and handed him an envelope.

"Those are orders coming from the General." Tino explained, "He said you're to leave immediately."

"Is this an operation?" Ludwig's eyebrows furrowed with confusion, "And on Christmas?"

Tino just merely shrugged and his eyes flashed with a hidden secret. "Not sure. I'm just the messenger."

Ludwig's eyes narrowed with suspicion and Tino just saluted a goodbye in return and walked off. Ludwig stood there for a moment before closing the door. He flicked the light switch on before sitting down on his bed. He examined the envelope a moment, seeing his name written in block letters that were smeared slightly due to the ink not drying quickly enough, and opened it. Ludwig pulled out the letter that was inside and unfolded it, his eyes reading each word carefully. Quickly, the German blinked his eyes and his whole body seemed to tense.

"This can't be…" Ludwig whispered, his eyes scanning over the words again as he reread the letter. The German's hands shook and soon the letter slipped out of his hands and landed on the floor. "This can't be happening to me."

* * *

Golden brown eyes stared out a frosted window, barely registering the fact that they couldn't see the outside world. Auburn locks with one gravity defying curl poked out of a red hat that framed a delicate looking face of a young man who had a few bandages on his body, covering injuries that were still healing. He wore green sweat pants and a white cotton shirt, simple clothing rather than the fashionable clothes he usually wore. The man sat in a chestnut chair that was in a bedroom that was filled with Christmas pictures he had drawn.

In the doorway of the bedroom stood a black haired man with worried brown eyes and wore plain grey pants and a white shirt. He had been watching the other man for a while and saw that the auburn haired man hadn't moved from that spot for an hour. The man in the doorway sighed quietly to himself and approached the other man. The sitting man didn't seem to notice the other's presence, even when the man stood right beside the auburn haired man's side.

"Feliciano." the black haired man said quietly, but the other man didn't respond. "Feliciano." The man said again, this time shaking the sitting man's shoulder.

Feliciano gasped and suddenly a thousand images popped up in his mind. He began shaking and his hands gripped the hat on his head. The man known as Feliciano began to shout Italian phrases and his body jerked a bit. The man standing beside him jumped with surprise, his eyes wide and showed fear.

"Feliciano!" the man called out to the Italian, but Feliciano continued to shout in the foreign language with his eyes squeezed shut. The man quickly grabbed Feliciano's wrists, bringing them down away from the hat and shook him. "Feliciano!" the man practically shouted.

Feliciano's eyes flew open and he gasped out in surprise. His eyes took everything in, jumping around the room until they landed on the other man's face. "K-Kiku?" Feliciano's voice came out in a whimper and his breath came out in short pants.

Kiku sighed and released Feliciano's wrists. "Are you okay?"

Feliciano shook his head and tears welled up in his eyes. "I-I saw it again…"

Kiku's eyes shined with sympathy and he slowly opened up his arms. Feliciano quickly wrapped his arms around the other man, burying his face in Kiku's shirt. Kiku, being a timid Japanese man, tensed at the contact, but he forced himself to relax. What Feliciano saw…it was something they had both seen multiple times. Flash backs from that one mission. Flash backs from the explosion of the land mine. They had both been seriously hurt from that ambush. Kiku had been able to avoid most of the blast, but his right arm had gotten severely burned and his bone had been fractured. His injury had healed fully by now, leaving some scarring behind. His arm would also become stiff from time to time if he didn't move it too much, causing some pain and discomfort; otherwise Kiku was fine. Feliciano though…he was the one who was hurt the most. Feliciano was hit full blast from the land mine and had serious burns all over his body. In addition to the burns, the Italian's legs were broken, his left arm and right wrist had been fractured, and he had a few broken ribs as well. Both of them wouldn't have survived the ambush if their troop didn't retreat and they would have been stuck behind enemy lines if Ludwig hadn't come and helped them out.

Feliciano's body shook as he quietly sobbed and the Japanese man was able to feel his shirt dampen. Kiku patted Feliciano's back lightly, whispering a few comforting phrases to his friend in Japanese. It took a few minutes, but Feliciano began to calm down. When the Italian pulled away, his body was shaking slightly, and he wiped away a few stray tears away.

"Feliciano?" Kiku went and got his friend's attention, "It's been a while since you had thought about that. What were you thinking about that had me trigger those memories when I was trying to get your attention?"

Feliciano's eyes fell to the ground and sadness clouded his golden eyes. "I-I think I made him wait too long…"

"Ah." Kiku nodded with understanding. The missed video call had worried them both, but Feliciano took it especially hard, being very close to the German. "Listen Feliciano. I don't think you kept Ludwig waiting. I made sure we were both by the computer at the scheduled time. There was no way that Ludwig could have been waiting on you or me."

"M-Maybe something happened to him." the Italian's skin immediately paled and tears came to his eyes.

"Feliciano, let's think logically right now." Kiku quickly tried to reassure his friend, "I'm sure there were just some technical difficulties on his end. Nothing has happened to him."

Feliciano was quiet for a moment, sniffling to himself. "Why are you here Kiku?" he finally asked, surprising the Japanese man, "You don't really celebrate Christmas and don't you have family to be seeing rather than being here with me?"

Kiku was stunned into silence. Did Feliciano really want him to leave, or was he just a bit depressed since he seemed to be missing Ludwig? "I'm here for one reason and one reason only." Kiku stated as he put a hand on Feliciano's shoulder, "I'm here to help out a friend. Besides, if Ludwig knew I wasn't here to watch after you, he'd probably have my head. He is protective of you, you know."

At the mention of Ludwig, a smile came to Feliciano's lips. The Italian was pretty fond of the strong German, and it was Feliciano who brought Ludwig and Kiku together in a lasting friendship with him. The three of them seemed to be inseparable unless they were doing their tasks on base. But even then, they would bump into each other and chat with one another quickly before continuing on their way. Kiku smiled and patted Feliciano's back, watching the Italian's mood improve. The Japanese man knew how to read people, and it was clear to him that Feliciano thought of Ludwig as more than just a friend.

"Why don't we go and open up a few presents." Kiku suggested, "Then, if you want, we can go and write a letter to Ludwig and set up another date for the video chat after breakfast."

Feliciano perked up at this and nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, let's go!" he exclaimed as he turned to his right and grabbed a cane. Feliciano now used a cane to help him walk about the house. He had recently gotten off crutches just last week and had been walking around more due to Kiku urging him to move more. Also, Feliciano had been walking more to impress Ludwig and show how much he had improved.

Kiku smiled and let Feliciano lead them out of the room. The Japanese man had promised Ludwig to make sure Feliciano worked to get better, but it seemed that Feliciano had his own will to move again. Kiku noted that Feliciano still limped slightly as he walked, but he was walking better than he had last week. As they exited the room, both males stopped upon hearing a ringing sound. The ever curious Italian followed the sound and it came from the computer room. Feliciano opened the door and blinked in surprise when he saw that the computer was on and the video chat icon was flashing.

"It looks like we have forgotten to turn off the computer." Kiku noted as he examined the computer screen.

"Ludwig must be calling us!" Feliciano said excitedly as he moved to answer the call, "He probably got some more time reserved since he couldn't call yesterday~"

"Ah, Feliciano." Kiku quickly went to stop the Italian, "I don't think-"

"Oi, Liz!" a familiar voice called from the computer, "Where are ya?"

"Gilbert?" Feliciano asked, his face popping up on the screen for the albino to see.

"Hey!" Gilbert smiled throwing his hands up in an exaggerated manner, "Feli and Kiku! It's been a while. Also…what are you doing at Liz's place?"

"We aren't." Kiku said, "You called us."

"Huh…so this must have been the one he was on then…." Gilbert muttered making Feliciano tilt his head to the side with a soft 've'. Gilbert focused his attention on the two before him and smiled, "Forget I said anything. So how are things going over there?"

"Everything is great!" Feliciano smiled, "We have the whole house decorated for Christmas."

"Yes." Kiku agreed, "And everything has been going smoothly."

"So what has been going on over there?" Feliciano asked quickly, leaning in with anticipation, "How is everyone?"

Gilbert laughed and leaned back in the chair he was sitting in. "Everyone is doing fine. But…" a frown came to the albino's lips and he sighed, "A few of us were taken to go on an unscheduled operation. The plane they were on got bombed and so far…there are no survivors."

"Oh no." Feliciano put a hand over his mouth and he averted his eyes to the ground, "How many?"

"I won't ruin your Christmas with the details." Gilbert waved a hand dismissively, "All you have to know is that the best of us were taken."

"Well, how is Ludwig doing then?" Kiku attempted to change the subject, "We couldn't video chat with him yesterday at all, so I'm sorry to be asking you this out of the blue but… could you let Ludwig have whatever time you reserved so we can set up another date to video chat? It will only take a moment if you can locate him quickly somehow."

"Wait…you guys didn't hear?" Gilbert's face showed confusion, "Ludwig isn't on base anymore. He's gone."

"G-Gone?" Feliciano's heart stopped and he felt his eyes begin to sting, "H-He can't be gone."

"But he is." Gilbert said with a sigh, "He was a good soldier…but I'm glad he's out of this hell hole."

Feliciano's breath came out shallow and it felt like his heart had stopped beating. His blood seemed to have run cold and his face grew pale at this new information. Ludwig was dead. The strong German that Feliciano had always admired and the one person who had become his best friend was gone. _He…he must have been sent out on that operation._ Feliciano thought and the idea of Ludwig being blown to bits without him saying goodbye hit the Italian hard. The room began to spin rapidly and Feliciano felt like he couldn't breathe and his cane dropped onto the ground beside him.

"F-Feli?" Gilbert's voice seemed so distant; the Italian could barely hear him.

"Feliciano?" Kiku asked worried and put a hand on the man's shoulder, shaking him lightly, "Are you alright?"

"I-I…" Feliciano choked back a sob and in a blink of an eye, the Italian was stumbling out the door.

Feliciano heard Kiku calling out to him, but he didn't stop. He couldn't breathe…he needed air; air that wasn't warm and welcoming. That air was suffocating him with every breath he tried to take. He had to go someplace where he could breathe, someplace where he could be alone. Feliciano ran out of the house and just ran as fast as his stumbling legs would allow. The cold air of the outside world bit at his exposed skin and burned his lungs, but he was able to breathe…and that was when the tears started to fall and blurred his vision. Feliciano took in several painful breaths that sounded like he was gasping for air, and his legs were trying to buckle under him. The Italian forced his legs to continue moving and blinked away the tears that prohibited him from seeing correctly.

Soon, Feliciano's knees gave in and he couldn't keep his balance. His body hit icy snow that got under his clothing, making his body shake from the cold and he felt like tiny needles were being stabbed into his skin. A quick glance around his surroundings showed Feliciano that he was in a park and he attempted to get to his feet. Stiff legs shook violently and his knees buckled under him, causing the Italian's breath come out quicker, the cold air hurting his throat. A sob ripped out of his throat and Feliciano collapsed onto the snowy ground, tears streaming down his face.

"Why?" Feliciano cried out and his hands gripped a fist full of icy snow, "Why did this have to happen? All I wanted was to see Ludwig again… I just wanted to be with him before he went out to war again!" Feliciano looked up at the sky, more tears slipping down his cheeks. "I-I never got to thank him f-for all that he has done for me. I never showed him how much I really appreciated all that he has ever done. I didn't even get to tell him… I never told h-him h-how much I-I…" Feliciano ended in a sob and buried his face in his arms. "He was all I wanted for Christmas." he whispered.

The whole world seemed to have gone quiet, leaving the only sound of the Italian's soft sobs echo about the park. The cold seeped into him, yet he didn't move. Feliciano welcomed the cold that numbed his body, finding no reason to try and warm himself up. Within the quiet, Feliciano heard footsteps crunching in the snow. The Italian did his best to quiet himself, not wanting to be found when Ludwig was lost. The footsteps came closer and closer until they suddenly stopped. Despite Feliciano's attempts, his sobs still came out, and they seemed loud in his ears. The footsteps then came closer and there was a gasp, telling Feliciano he had been found.

"Jesus." the voice belonged to a male with a deep voice. Feliciano couldn't tell if he recognized the owner, but he didn't dwell on the voice for too long. Something warm was draped over the Italian and he was picked up out of the snow. Feliciano didn't realize how badly he had been shaking and the sudden warmth seemed very welcoming, despite how much he didn't want it. "What the hell are you doing out here without a jacket? Are you okay?"

Feliciano snuggled into the warmth, unable to resist as the needles disappeared and he felt a pair of arms wrap around his body as the stranger's hands attempted to rub some warmth into him. "I-I didn't g-grab my jacket." Feliciano answered in a whisper, his eyes were tightly shut, yet tears still escaped, "M-My f-friend…h-he d-died."

"W-What?" the man stuttered, "Who died?"

"A-A good friend." Feliciano sobbed, "He went t-to war a-and the plane h-he was in got s-shot down. N-No survivors as of y-yet."

"I'm sorry." the stranger apologized in a sincere manner. Feliciano wasn't sure if that was normal, for a total stranger to take sympathy for no reason at all. "Let's get you warmed up, okay. You must be freezing."

"D-Don't worry about me." Feliciano said quietly, even if the idea of warming up did sound appealing, "You should just go about your business and just forget about me."

"How can I forget about you Feliciano?" the stranger asked appalled, "You're my best friend and I promised you long ago that I wouldn't ever forget about you."

"W-What?" Feliciano opened his eyes and blinked in confusion. How did this stranger know who he was?

The Italian looked up to see the stranger's face and his heart nearly stopped. Staring down at him was a familiar face that held familiar blue eyes that seemed confused and looked a bit weary. The usual frown on the man's lips was actually a worried line and his usually slicked back blonde hair was a bit messed up probably from the wind. Feliciano reached out and his fingertips grazed the warm skin on the man's cheek.

"L-Ludwig?" Feliciano breathed and a very small smile came to the man's lips.

"Hey Feli." Ludwig greeted and he was met with a giant hug.

"I-I thought you were dead." Feliciano exclaimed, a fresh wave of tears running down his cheeks.

"Dead?" Ludwig asked, raising an eyebrow as his arms enveloped the Italian, "What made you think that? Is it because we couldn't video chat the other day?"

"N-No. G-Gilbert said-"

Ludwig sighed and quieted the Italian in his arms. "You mustn't listen to everything Gil says." he sighed, "You know he likes to over exaggerate."

"T-That's not i-it." Feliciano shivered.

Ludwig's face twisted with concern and he wrapped the jacket more securely around Feliciano and picked him up as he stood. "You can explain when we get you back. I don't want you freezing to death."

* * *

"Ah." Ludwig said as he sat back in his seat, holding a cup of tea Kiku had made, "So it was all a simple misunderstanding. I heard about the plane on my way in. I heard bits and pieces before leaving, but I have to wonder why the General made such a bold move."

Feliciano nodded, still shivering despite have changed into warmer clothing and had a thick blanket wrapped around him along with hot tea in his hands. "It's a bit scary to think of anyone having to be on that plane actually." he said quietly. The Italian then turned to Ludwig, his eyes questioning. "Hey, Ludwig? I have been wondering… why you are spending Christmas here instead of at the base?"

Kiku nodded in agreement. "Yes, I had been wondering that myself. You said before that your contract didn't expire for another six months."

Ludwig sighed quietly and pulled out the letter that Tino had given him. "I have been honorably discharged." he said simply, "It seems that I have had one too many mental breakdowns that couldn't go by unnoticed."

"But… you're not crazy." Feliciano said as he looked at his reflection in the herbal tea.

"The letter states that I'm prone to hallucinations when I'm stressed out." Ludwig explained, "They don't want me shooting at an ally or shooting at nothing when my bullets can be put to better use."

"Then why don't they give you days off?" Feliciano pouted, "Then you wouldn't be stressed out."

Ludwig raised an eyebrow at Feliciano. "Even if they did give me days off, that wouldn't solve the problem Feli. I go and cover for too many people on base. I put myself in those positions so your solution wouldn't work out."

"Oh." the Italian said a bit sadly and stared into his cup of tea.

Ludwig's eyebrows furrowed with confusion and Kiku stood up. "Please excuse me." the Japanese man said politely with a small bow, "I was cooking breakfast before and it seems that time has crept us closer to lunch. I'm sure you must be hungry and tired Ludwig."

"I am." Ludwig admitted, "But I haven't slept so I didn't experience jet lag. The tea was enough to wake me up."

Kiku nodded and disappeared into the kitchen as a deafening silence fell between Feliciano and Ludwig. Blue eyes were focused on the Italian, whose attention was focused on his liquefied reflection. Feliciano was very aware of Ludwig's stare, but he didn't want to look into the questioning eyes of the one person he thought he lost. Feliciano heard shuffling and soon the couch he was sitting on shifted slightly. The Italian risked a glance and saw Ludwig had sat down beside him, but the German's gaze was focused on the ground. Feliciano quickly flicked his eyes back to his tea and took a sip, the tea warming him up a bit.

"Feli." Ludwig finally spoke after a moment of being silent, "What you said before…" Feliciano looked at his friend and saw Ludwig's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "I thought you'd be happy that I was out."

"I-I am!" Feliciano assured him, "I mean, I'm so happy that you're here and that we get to spend Christmas together, but…" The Italian paused and he averted his gaze to the ground which caused Ludwig to raise an eyebrow. "I thought it was your dream to be in the army. You seemed so happy to be serving your country."

"I do want to serve my country Feliciano." Ludwig explained, "I'd do anything for my country, but being a part of the army isn't my dream." Feliciano's eyes flashed back up to Ludwig's in surprise. "I'm guessing you don't remember me saying that it was my dream to become a mechanic since I loved working with my hands."

"I-I…" Feliciano sighed and looked at Ludwig a bit sheepishly.

"That's what I thought." Ludwig chuckled and patted Feliciano's shoulder, "Sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head."

"So you can read my mind?" Feliciano asked amazed, "You told me you couldn't even if you tried!"

Ludwig blinked for a moment before chuckling and shaking his head. "Your thought process never ceases to amaze me."

"Hey!" Feliciano pouted, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Ludwig ruffled his friend's hair and laughed. "It only means that I'm glad to see you're still the same person I've learned to call my best friend."

Feliciano blushed lightly and looked at Ludwig quizzically. "I'm still the same person though. What made you think I was different?" The smile on Ludwig's face disappeared, causing Feliciano to wonder what he said wrong. "L-Ludwig?"

The German was silent and his gaze fell to the floor. "You look good." he finally said, "Better than when I last saw you."

Feliciano was stunned into silence for a moment. "O-Oh…w-well, I'm still healing. I don't think I look any better though…"

"You do." Ludwig assured the Italian, his eyes glancing at him, "I see less scars and more natural skin than I did when we last talked. Also, considering you went to the park without any sort of assistance has to prove that you have gotten better as well."

"T-Thanks." Feliciano stuttered, "You're looking good too. Less stressed and cranky, I mean."

Ludwig raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure what you mean. I was never cranky."

Feliciano giggled. "Yes you were. That was the main reason why nobody liked to be in your line of sight."

"Hey! That's not true."

"Well it's certainly not because of your intimidating looks alone." Feliciano laughed and looked around before seeing his cane in reach to his left and grabbed it as he pulled the blanket closer and put his tea down. Upon seeing the cane, Ludwig's eyes flash with sadness, but it went unnoticed by Feliciano. "Hey Ludwig, I got you something! I was going to mail it to you, but then the snow got too high and I had to wait for Kiku to shovel the sidewalk and for the neighbors to do the same but then it got icy and there was a car accident because it was so icy so Kiku suggested I wait until the ice was taken care of and by the time the ice was taken care of, the post office closed for the holiday season."

Ludwig saw Feliciano rise to his feet and his tired legs shook under him. Ludwig stood up as well and offered his arm. "Let me help you so you don't fall." he suggested.

"No, I'm fine." Feliciano insisted with a smile, "You carried me all the way here when you came. Just sit back and relax. I promise I won't be long."

Ludwig lowered his arm and sat back down. He kept a close eye on Feliciano watching as the Italian used the cane to walk. He wanted to make sure that if Feliciano fell, he could jump up and assist him in any way he could. Once Feliciano reached a corner, he glanced back and his eyes found Ludwig's, shining with happiness. Seeing that in those chocolate brown eyes stunned Ludwig momentarily and all the German could do was stare. It amazed him that the Italian could be happy considering what he was going through. _Maybe he's just in the Christmas mood._ Ludwig thought and soon he found that he was staring for too long, noticing Feliciano was waiting for him to look away. The German's cheeks heated up and he looked away, feeling embarrassment and some confusion.

Once Ludwig wasn't looking, Feliciano smiled and opened a closet door and started searching for his gift for the German. Momentarily, the Italian forgot where he put the present and he began to panic. The present wasn't that big, but it also wasn't very small. When Feliciano saw it in the store, he had immediately thought of Ludwig and bought it for him. He didn't know what he'd do if he lost his best friend's present. After looking around wildly for a moment, Feliciano caught sight of the wrapped gift and he breathed a soft sigh of relief. His heart had been racing and the Italian could hear it beating in his ear. Feliciano took a few deep breaths to calm his heart and grabbed the gift. He closed the door quietly and smiled big when he saw Ludwig still wasn't looking.

"Okay Ludwig!" Feliciano called as he moved toward the German, "I found-" The Italian stopped mid-sentence as the room began to spin and he had to stop walking.

_I-I couldn't have over excited myself that much while looking for the gift…right?_ Feliciano thought as he put a hand to his forehead. Ever since Feliciano started walking, he would get dizzy spells when he became overexcited or had a panic attack. Kiku would make sure the Italian stayed calm in the past since it was common for the dizzy spells to occur. But since Feliciano had more control over his emotions, Kiku didn't have to watch him as much. Feliciano shook his head lightly to get rid of the dizziness and his body began to sway slightly from the action.

"I found…" Feliciano tried to continue his conversation but his legs gave out from under him.

"Feli!" Ludwig exclaimed as he jumped out of his seat.

The German was able to catch Feliciano before he collapsed onto the ground. The wrapped gift that was in Feliciano's hand slipped from the Italian's grip and fell onto the floor, and the sound of glass breaking was heard. Feliciano had blacked out for a split second and when he opened his eyes he saw that he was in Ludwig's arms. The next thing he noticed was Ludwig's gift was on the ground. His eyes immediately widened and his heart picked up speed.

"N-No…" the Italian groaned and reached for the wrapped present.

"Just wait a moment Feliciano." Ludwig said gently as he picked the Italian up, "Let's settle you down on the couch first."

Feliciano blushed when he was picked up, but his eyes stayed on the fallen gift even when he was put on the couch. Ludwig's eyes followed Feliciano's gaze and went back to pick up the gift. As he picked it up, it sounded like some shards of glass was moving about. Feliciano heard the sound and his face became distressed and tears came to his eyes.

"I-It can't be broken…" he whimpered, "T-That's your Christmas gift!"

Ludwig blinked with surprise, though he did expect this was for him. He felt that he didn't deserve a present even if it was from his friend. Ludwig moved to sit next to Feliciano and tore the wrapping paper off the present, looking a bit excited as he did so. He revealed a plain box and when he opened the box, he blinked with surprise. He emptied the contents of the box into his hand, revealing a small glass German Shepard figurine with only three legs. The other leg had been broken off and laid in his palm next to the figurine. The German glanced at Feliciano and he felt his heart break when he saw the sadness in his friend's eyes.

"I…I broke it…." Feliciano's voice was quiet and a few tears slipped down his cheeks.

Ludwig carefully put the figurine back in the box, putting it on a side table before wrapping his arms around Feliciano. "It's alright Feli." he said gently, rubbing the Italian's arms lightly.

Feliciano's arms snaked around Ludwig and he buried his face in the German's shirt. "N-No it's not!" his cries were muffled by Ludwig's shirt and his body shook, "I-I ruined your gift! I bought that for you because you always said you wanted a German Shepard, but you couldn't have more than three dogs in your house. It also reminded me of you because you seem so much like a German Shepard…"

"It's alright Feli." Ludwig assured his friend, "I love it. All we have to do is attach the leg back on and it will be as good as new again."

Feliciano looked up at the German, his eyes bright with tears. "Y-You don't mind? You're still g-going to accept it?"

"Of course." Ludwig said gently, wiping away Feliciano's tears away, "It's from you. I could never turn down something from you."

A smile came to Feliciano's lips, and he hugged Ludwig. "Thank you Ludwig. You always know what to say in order to make me feel better."

Ludwig hugged back. "I don't always know what to say. You know how words and I get along." Ludwig pulled away slightly and Feliciano looked up into the blue of the German's eye. Ludwig saw a few stray tears on the Italian's cheeks and he brushed them away with his thumb. "I don't like it when you're upset…I would do anything and everything to make sure you're happy."

"Well, you don't have to do much." Feliciano said quietly.

Ludwig blinked with surprise. He contemplated on whether or not to question Feliciano on what he meant when something soft was pressed against the German's lips. Ludwig's heart seemed to skip several beats and his face grew a bright red as his body tensed up when he realized Feliciano was kissing him. The German's body seemed to be confused as what to do. Ludwig wanted to push Feliciano away and question why his best friend was doing this, but he also had an urge to kiss him back. Feliciano was kissing him as if waiting for some sort of response, so the German knew the Italian wasn't forcing this on him. But Ludwig had no clue how to respond. After quickly wrestling with several thoughts, Ludwig hesitantly kissed back.

Ludwig's kiss seemed to be shy when compared to Feliciano's, but the Italian didn't seem to mind. Feliciano leaned closer to Ludwig, making sure to be slow and not rush the German. Ludwig's body slowly relaxed with Feliciano's slow actions and he was able to become comfortable with the kiss. After a moment of enjoying the kiss, Feliciano pulled away. He was smiling and happiness shone in his eyes which caused Ludwig to smile a bit shyly. Feliciano chuckled and moved in for another kiss which Ludwig wasn't as hesitant to return. It felt nice to kiss Feliciano. It was almost as if Ludwig always wanted to do this with him, but never took the initiative to do so. Slowly, and a bit hesitantly, Ludwig wrapped his arms around Feliciano which earned him a soft content hum from the Italian. It was when the German's fingers brushed up against one of Feliciano's bandages that Ludwig forced himself to pull away. He knew Feliciano was still healing, but knowing that the Italian still needed bandages…it hit him harder than a speeding train.

"Ludwig?" Feliciano's brown eyes shone with confusion.

"I'm sorry." Ludwig answered quietly and pushed the Italian away, causing hurt to flood into those chocolate brown orbs, "I shouldn't have done that."

"B-But…" Feliciano's gaze fell to his lap, feeling like he did wrong to the German, "I thought… Didn't you like it?"

"I…I did." Feliciano looked up at Ludwig, waiting for an explanation, "It's just…you deserve better."

"B-Better? Ludwig, what do you mean?"

"It's just…" Ludwig paused, trying to think of a good explanation, "You don't want me. You may think you do, but you could so much better Feli. You can find someone more capable of protecting you. I wasn't even able to keep you safe when we got ambushed…"

"L-Ludwig." Feliciano's voice sounded surprised as he moved to cup Ludwig's cheek, and the German didn't even attempt to meet the Italian's eye, "There is no one that can out beat you."

"What is the point in going after me, if I can't even protect someone I care about?" Ludwig asked and closed his eyes so his heart didn't have to break upon seeing Feliciano's face as he rejected him.

"You have protected me so many times, Ludwig." Feliciano said gently as he tried to get the German to understand, "One small mess up won't change how I feel about you. Besides, I don't want you just for protection. There is more to you than that! You are kind, attractive, selfless, and funny even… There is so much more to you than anyone would expect from one simple glance. You make me happy without even trying and I want to make you happy as well."

Ludwig opened his eyes and blinked with surprise. "I…make you happy?"

Feliciano smiled and nodded. "You do. I always want to repay you for making me happy, so I bought you the figurine since I thought it would make you happy."

"It did." Ludwig smiled slightly, but he then frowned, "But I don't have anything for you…"

Feliciano laughed and hugged Ludwig, snuggling into him. "You're the only thing I wanted for Christmas. Being with you is everything I could have ever asked for."

Ludwig blushed and wrapped his arms around Feliciano, hugging him back. "I'm glad." he said quietly and it wasn't long before he felt Feliciano's lips on his.

In the doorway that lead to the kitchen, a small smile was planted on Kiku's lips as he watched the whole thing unfold. In his arms was their brunch, but as he watched his two friends finally come together and form a relationship that was long awaited, he quietly went back into the kitchen. _I'll give them a few more minutes to themselves._ Kiku thought as he set their brunch on the kitchen table with a smile. _It seems that they need some more time before the state of their relationship actually sinks in._

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the bad summary guys. I'm already late to the party because I forgot I wanted to post this here and it's after Christmas too. It's also a one-shot! Not interested in expanding on this one. I had originally took the song 'All I want for Christmas' for inspiration but there were a few other songs/Christmas themes that helped influence this story as well (though I don't remember the majority of them). Anyway, happy holidays and here's for a better New Year!


End file.
